Hey, I'm a dog! Holiday Card Series

2007-02-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

2007-01-13T11:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks for not suing!

It's a nice gesture that is rarely seen these days. I mean, come on - suing for sexual harassment is so 10 years ago. Get a life. Suing won't bring your dog, child, dignity or virginity back, but this card might help!

Good for office parties, corporations, senators, congressmen (all government, for that matter) news pundits, school teachers, doctors, people impersonating doctors, people impersonating congressmen, R Kelly, me impersonating R Kelly, drunk drivers, drunk bus drivers, bad baby sisters and English nannies alike, family members in civil disputes who work it out before going to get served on Judge Joe Brown, people fighting over slapping genitals on Judy Judy, and so on...

2007-01-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

my first Fan Fiction card to commemorate the passing of the worlds Godfather.

Sent in by Nick.
I doubt I could do better myself, so I didn't try.

2007-01-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

© Copyright 2006 Jordan Clifford.

Cafepress.com card shop coming soon. Soon these once freely distributed unpopular cards will be available on a wasted tree for an inflated price!

2006-12-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Christians

©2006 Jordan Clifford

This one diverged from the original idea - which was to simplify, man, making the dog the joke and not a joke a joke, if you follow me - by adding multiple clip art images rather than just what was needed, but i couldn't help using an opportunity to bring down the Jews. Sorry.

2006-12-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

2006-12-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

2006-12-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

The "Hey, I'm a dog!" series was spawned on Father's Day of 2006, the best Father's Day ever (for my Dad, I assume. We don't talk since the card incident). I was inspired by the lack of inspiration and the pathetic quality of concepts and jokes in the available cards these days, so I created my own that did the trick without someone having to say "haaa..... yea, funny... thanks for the thought, anyway".

Here is a portion of the original Father's Day post, beginning with an example of the card I was going to buy my Dad as a joke which ended up being the blueprint for my new card formula. Following this is the original "Hey, I'm a dog" card to be enjoyed and respected by all. Give these cards to your family members, friends and co-workers and you'll be everyones favorite person. Guaranteed.

"Do card makers have no shame? Is there anything called integrity or passion left in this once respected and revered field of fine art? Is that even a joke? It seems like the simple formula is “pick a word, any word at all, and make a bad pun out of it. Once you’ve gotten through the hard part, all you have to do is throw in a cartoon dad or a cartoon animal, or better yet – a cartoon animal dad! And then you’re done!”

I don’t even understand these cards. It seems like they don't even try anymore because the card above shows the least amount of work one could put into a card. What does a duck have to do with Father’s Day? Am I a duck? Is that little duck supposed to represent me, the son, the card giver? I’ll tell you one thing right now, Hallmark, I may wear glasses and a bowtie, but I ain’t no fuckin duck.
I got a little tired of this formula, and the puns are bad even for me. This led me to creating my very own original “Happy _____ Day Card”!

It cuts to the chase and gets the job done without any stupid jokes ruining the fun.

You can add in any holiday of your choice – Birth Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Bastille Day, Boxing Day, Gay Pride Month Day, whatever. I chose to add Father’s for my Father’s Day card, but I was leaning heavily towards Gay Pride Month Day just to throw him off."

I'm like that british gay guy who invented that super-duper vacuum that sells for like 4,000 dollars. I torn down the structure of the normal holiday card and rebuilt it from scratch and clip art animal cartoons. What we are left with is the best holiday cards EVER.

So enjoy this on going series, I will update it with a new card for every holiday or non-holiday of the year. You are encouraged to print them out or email them to friends, or leave them on Myspace comments or whatever. If possible (if anyone ever does this), just link to this website or any of my other websites
What The Balls - blog.myspace.com/whattheballs
The Showcase of Depravity - www.mediawave.blogspot.com

All cards are
© Copyright 2006-2007 Jordan Clifford

-Jordan